Homagadddd, Chuck Norris

"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."

"If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris."

I was so bored today that I watched Wanda Sykes being all black and read random Chuck Norris facts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_wWJ-_4uSY

Watch her watch her and laugh your butt off.

I need a journey to know that i'm still sane.

Fever

Packing bags and running away isn't going to help. 

Maybe, just maybe.

Defending myself and showing who I really am.

Maybe, just maybe.

People will love for who I am.

Maybe, just maybe.

I won't try to run and hide all the time.

Maybe, just maybe.

I'm being delusional.

Off to class and back to reality. 

To The Lady Residing In The Big Fat Apple

Siren,

I would like to start my post by stating the reason to why I had deleted my very sociable page. Just recently. Do you ever get the feeling where you'll always be never good enough?
Not to mention, the amplifications of unnecessary dramas splattered all over.
And how awesome their lives are with extra visual aids.
Nah, I am done.
So here I am. A post especially for you.

Before deleting, I did catch a glimpse of your post to me =)
It made me smirked, snickered and giggled.
I told youuuuu it was addictive!!! I told you soooooo!!
Now hum it and play it on the piano or guitar or any instrument your hands can grab.
You seem to be talented at everything. I am like your biggest fan!!! Ahhh!
But not big enough to do "I'm the king of the world" at the edge of the ferry *coughs*

Well, my life here.. has its ups and downs. I hope you're doing fine on the other side.
The other day, I had another test. This time, biology. I don't get why do I keep getting Biology lecturers that just wants to PMS at my face.
With this test, it was Mendelian Genetics in all its glory. And my head was practically rocking to this tune,

Yea, but are you gettin' it?Armageddon it! Oooo, really gettin' it?Yes, Armaggedon it! You try comin' on when you need someBut then you don't 'cos you already did Yeah, you jangle your GENES while your shakin' ya And drive the pretty PEAS outta their heads You got it, but are you gettin' it? 

And, ka boom!! I bloody armageddon the test!!! 

I think I need a break. This is me on better days.

I hope you're doing fine and stay awesome. Love you. Take care. Eat your meals, FYI its three times a day. Hahahahahahaha. I'm here for you always whenever you need me.

Call me, beep me if you wanna reach me. I'm Ashreen Impossible. Heh.

Maybe

I'm just a little scared inside

and the scars within will hold on to me

for as long as I live.

Maybe,

all we need is a little light in the darkness.

An apologetic post. sincerely.

Girl : I am sorry. I am sorry for starting a fight or an argument or whatever you would want to call it. The very origin of my fear comes from scars within. I have issues with trust and people. I am sorry if I ever made you felt as though you're never good enough. I just wish you were here again to make me feel better and to fall asleep with a smile. I am sorry. I hate my emotions. I hate me too. I am sorry. I guess you never want to talk to me again. I am sorry. I hope you're happy wherever you are. *sigh*

Her eyes wide opened and she gasps hard and deep. It was just a nightmare nothing more. But why did it feel like forever? Why her? Why everything has to fall apart? What if the nightmare was her whole life? She wasn't the pretty sort. She was a loner. She hid behind words. No one ever gave her a second glance of hope and faith. She was all alone in those nightmares. She was cheated on and played to the benefits of others. Her heart shattered to pieces and her family turn their backs as they were in their own nightmares chasing the truth.

After 20 years of living in those nightmares, waking up is as bad as living the life she had in her nightmare. Waking up and trying to find a fresh start is difficult to do. Why was she dragged here? What is the purpose of living when you know you were never meant to walk and breathe like everyone else? What if everything you have seen is a lie? Where do you go?

These questions will never be eradicated internally.

To watch you walk out the door years ago was heart wrecking. My heart sank so low that i gave it away it so easily to a stranger. A stranger who then robbed me of my dignity and pride. You said that you were tired of your high flying flamboyant life. Where did you really go?

How i looked up to you?

A role model when i didn't even know how you looked till i was 4 years old.

I should have seen the signs that you were always going to be gone and far away.

I don't miss you. I wished you were a person that i could miss.

That i could hold onto and rely on. 

There you go again. Gone in the wind once more. 

And here i am left with all your mess...

Out in a corner and licking my own wound,

Taking in every pain. Bottling it up. Keeping it locked in the chest. The pain seeps out quietly eating me from the inside. Twenty years worth of pain. Numerous bottles of pain. Numbing out the pain. I have this syndrome where i would cry aloud for so many days. One day, I'll just stop because i had already absorbed the pain. Kept it locked deep into the cavity of my soul. I would stare into space. Pain. Pain. Pain. Is that all i would ever feel? Then you wonder. if i just died.. wouldn't it be easier? Die into an eternal void. This treacherous life left behind. The lies. The deceit. The pretend. The glances. Oh. It kills. You have no idea. The hurt. I have kept it too deep in me. I am bitter.

take a leap of faith *exhales*

the gift

today i received something that i had waited for so long.
a gift from you to me.
days have gone by.
i guess everything is worth with a little wait done.

i received a package with little pieces of you.
and i want it to be that way till the end of time.

quotes from people that truly have gone through something

everything comes to he who waits :)
mode : the young victoria. patience is everything.-athira amanina

cakap : adakalanya jodoh mendahului sebuah cinta sejati.-minie

"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality" |Ayn Rand (1905-1982)-sumy

"Don't choose a better guy. Choose a guy that makes you better girl."-faten naseer

to be in a relationship, you have to be in it for the love. not because you're lonely or single, but because you want to have a commitment.-ana lyana

that night, when you pulled me close into your hug, although i know my world has long crashed, at that moment, everything felt right.
tonight, i need that feeling again. i need you.-vivian

 

 

if i hadn't have tis very annoying skin problem, i would always be out and running about.

figuring it out

i soon understood to why i have these thoughts.
thoughts that screw minds and lets the soul feel as though it had been baffled by houdini.
because i have no control to what i draw and imagine in my little insignificant brain.
i seem to lose it when i feel composed and calm.
things go haywire when i least want it too.
i tire myself out.
somedays i would get so restless with these thoughts.
i swear somedays, i feel as though the burden of my thoughts could suffocate me to death.
its just me. me. me.

overthinking.
i am officially an emotional wreck.

afraid.

the circumstances were not fully understood and i have no means of trying to understanding it either. the timid feeling arises when all these memories of the old appears out of nowhere. this time, falling down to the ground is going to hurt tremendously. other alternatives of feeeling good had been burned out a long time ago. the peak of everything seem to be so fragile. stepping foot into the unknown and the boundaries that were set a long time ago was nowhere to be seen. making up for the lost time would not just do. something's bugging my mind, and i am not quite sure what it is.

tis is annoying.

Heartbreaks in the morning.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
-fallen

It was just another day

but somehow today made me realised that,

why do we argue?
why couldn't we put up with our differences?
why couldn't we agree?
why didn't we give each other respect?
why didn't we do so?
why didn't try to smile and get along?
why did we have to make problems when there wasn't anything?
why didn't we try yo sit and talk it out?
why?

Today i sat there watching all of you smiling and laughing after so long. The magic was there a long time ago but we couldn't catch the sparkles before. Maybe it was cause we were to busy being an individual. My way or the highway kind of attidude.

To know you is a gift

3rd March 2011

You are my shining star
You could be my everything
But i know i wouldn't fall so easily for you
I will give a chance for us
But all i want is normal
I don't need you to impress me
You already did when you tried to talk to me so hard
You took a year or so to know mw
You take me by surprise everyday
Can't help drowning in your love

Can't lie

20th August 2011

Today, he drew me a picture. You can't see it but between those fine lines of pencil stains and sketches, it was there. He drew his love to me. And it was in that moment, i wanted a brighter future. In that future, he would be with me. Such thoughts are dangerous to the soul. It can create craters abd aftermath disasters. Somehow, i am less afraid. I'd rather cherish and love those little memoirs that he has given. So chivalry. So honest. However, my past taunts my deeply wounded soul. I have the gift of doubting but there he stands still and stuck around. He even dealt with it. "I can't handle you but i know i care for you"

Home is where the heart is,

..but how come my heart's beating way too fast and afraid of stepping back to where i had once belong.

It's not everyday people fall in love
It's not everyday someone gets angry
It's not everyday people cry
It's not everyday things go your way
It's not everyday there will be precious memories to hold onto
It's not everyday where family and friends laugh and know that you belong right there.

But,
Somehow,
I just know that things do last forever because time cannot diminish how I feel about every precious pearls that I had found.

Time

Are you afraid?
Are you resilient to this?
Are you scared to the point of giving up?
Are you losing hope?
Are you losing your mind?
Are you sane to make sense?
Aren't you the one that doubt everything and everyone?
You were, weren't you?

Confessions

17th December 2011

Today, i sat on my chair facing the gleaming sun. I realised that what my feelings stand for you isn't shallow. I don't scribble your name everywhere. I don't say much with emotions when you are around. I don't want to cling to you when friends are around you. It isn't cause i don't want to show how much i love you. It is cause i know it is way too deep for me to understand to why i had fall for you in the first place. You were always there. If you weren't there cause you couldn't make it. Sometimes the best moments are the ones that are less understood.

Heartful

A bed of roses
A sea full of lies
A cloud of hurt
A staggering amount of false pretenses
A glassful of risks
A string of imagination
A cup full of broken pieces

The border between lies and bluffs
The separation of the good and bad
The hypocrite truth of having hope despite losing faith
The unconditional way of giving too much yet feeling so little
The little ways of tender love and streaming tears of sadness
The emotions of jealousy and anger mixed with rage

Standing there
Losing stance
Giving in
Never understanding
Where the means to simplify complicates everything else

Then, a smile
Relieve
Letting go

Revenge is sweet
Karma is truly a bitch that slaps hard
How dare you cross the line.

I didn't have to do much
Cause you did

You impart pain on yourself
You lost.

Seeing it through her eyes

always wanted an adventure. travel along the forbidden and forgotten road. immerse in such beauty of every miracle ever existed on earth. living in ignorance just won't do for me. i have gone far from home but i need something more. to remind me that a living is just dreaming in another dimensions. i got to say this illusion of life is beautiful despite the ugly that people spread.

hyperactive.cynical.sarcastic.

Hysteria

Overdosed on ventolin. Heart beats thumping too loud. Blacking out feels good. Tremors are even better. Bleeding transparent pain. Numb. Broken feels good. I am crushed and out of luck. Even the strongest of hearts can only take pain at a certain degree.

 I get a hysterical hysteria

Can you feel it

Do you believe it

It's such a magical mysteria

When you get a feeling better start believing

Cos it's a miracle

Say you will

Hysteria when you're near

-def leppard

I.am.out.of.touch.

Still fragile

Girl : You're never around. When i need you, you're never there. Busy busy busy.
Boy : So you want to confine me?
Girl : No. I just want you...
Boy : If i'm not around and you think that i'm late. Look into your heart because i am always there.
Girl : *pouts* I'll try.
Boy : Don't you know that i love you.
Girl : I do.
Boy : I am with you. I will find a way to get to you. Always

**

Girl : Mannnn, i suck at this snooker game.

Boy : *adjusting* This should do.

Girl : Hey, it works. *giggles*

Boy : *adjusting again* This should do.

Girl : Oh jeah! Thank you!

Boy : *smiles*

Girl : Will you tell me 'this should do' whenever i need you till forever?

Boy : *adjusting the control* This should do *smiles*

Girl : Thank you.

**

Girl : I never want to hurt you.. i don't even want you to get hurt because of me..

Boy : Just go with it. All that i want in this world is happiness. That's all. I don't really care where you come from, what your status is, if i like, i'll go to you. now is that i like you and love you. who cares if i have to lay on the hospital cause i wanted to protect you. to see you beside me it is just sweet dear.

**

Girl : Why are your hands bigger than mine?

Boy : So that it would be easier to grab *smirks*

Girl : -,-

Us over time

When we met, you were just you and I was just me
We rarely talked and smiled
Not even eye contacts
Then, it started with a message
To long conversations at night
I wait for you to say hye every night
We got deeper and involved
I started to love you I need you but you..
Why you? Why did you approach me first? Why?
I disappeared and you pulled me back
“I love you. I need you. When you said bye, I broke into pieces. Never leave me again”
And now here we are hoping that we would last through times.
It took you two years to say something and two years for me to realize I love you.

When you feel down, look above into the heavens :)

I know you get annoyed. I know you are irritated. I know that every part of you detests how the other person live in self denial and utter absurdity. Look on the bright side, you are humble and beautiful inside and out. People aren't compassionate. They are materialistic and play favoritism whenever they detect a little tinge of benefit. Never let yourself drown in their materialistic world. For you may get hurt and bruised. Be you. I have seen the best and worst of you and i appreciate that kind of honesty. Don't lose yourself. Stay true and honest. God smiles upon the righteous and true. You know that, don't you?

Bustling thoughts at 12 am

I have thrown out things that made me a part of society. I realize that people change. Why change when you can still be yourself? In my opinion, some change for the better and some forget their virtues. Why can't we remain unchanged and be good no matter what. Why allow situations get the best of you? Isn't that why we have brains, to differentiate and to decide.

Miss blardy thunder hair

Do you ever think of me in times of difficulty. I do.

Worth waiting

Will it be worth it? All we ever do is wait for each other. You are patient and I am just learning how to. I learn to have faith and you learn that handling me isn't the easiest job to do. I couldn't have asked for more than you. To me. You are perfect. Don't change.

On that line

Pardon me sir, I have no means of hurting you. It was not on purpose. All I said was words for you to realize the damage done is irreversible. What else could be said? There isn't anything that could be done to rectify it. You are as corrupted as them. Spreading the wrong and covering up the truth. You are pretty darn good at that, aren't you? And you let yourself condemn those you have done nothing wrong. I have nothing else to prove. I am just a better human than you are.

Being 21

Morning. Dewy. Misty. She awakens from her deep slumber before anyone else in the house. Washes up and puts on her favourite jumper. She sighs as she looks out of the window. She thinks to herself, 21 is just a number. Tracing her steps through the garden, she imagined tall hedges forming mazes on the very ground she stood on. Like in those movies where the princess would run through the mazes to find that running away isn't a solution and just being honest about everything she felt was the best decision. If only reality was easier to deal with it. Overthinking leads to doing nothing, she sighs. As she walks around the garden breathing in the sweet dewy air. For the past twenty years of her life have proven to her that obedience and a passive attidude didn't bring her much happiness. She is the filial child, the nice one, the very honest, the wisest amongst her siblings. Tiring, isn't it? To be the one that has to follow every rule and be punished for every minor mistake. This is her and she will always be the one to lose and give in.

"Layla!!!!! Where are you?" her mum calls from inside the house.
"Coming, mum!" she breaks away from deep thoughts and runs in. "Yes, mum?"
"Layla, happy birthday! It's your birthday! Your 21st! What would you like to do today" her mum smiles warmly.
"Just be with family and celebrate"
"Well?? Anything else??"
"Nothing. Being with with family is enough for me"

Her mum smiles, shrugs and walks to the kitchen to the prepare for the celebration. She watches her mum and walks upstairs to her room. Showers and suits up her in her best attire of the day. Spending time at home with family. Running around and chasing each other. 21 is just a number not a reason for someone to forget how have fun. 21 is her age and she is learning. Laughters and jokes were told. The surrounding enlightened her very much. Family. For her family, she puts up a strong shoulder and walks with pride. The day ended on a very happy note whereby everyone was full from dinner and jokes. Even when everyone was about to retire to their rooms, they were still munching, grubbing and laughing. It was her family. Arguments were just arguments. She is still figuring out how she could be how they wanted her to be. Over the years, she had suffered depression and anxiety. Yes, her family was worried but disappointed. As soon as her treatments were over, she swore to never burden her family with her pain and sorrow. She was only 16. From that day on, she smiled and faked everything. She does all that fakeness sincerely just so that her parents would be smile and not be disappointed.

"Mum, i'm going out with my friends. I don't really know when i'll be back' Layla tells her mum the next night.
"Alright Layla. Just don't go around mixing with bad company and make love freely like rabbits" her mum scowls.
"MAAAAAA, rabbits? Seriously??  "
"Just a saying. Have fun but not too much. Happy 21st, dear. I am very proud of you." said her mum as she kisses Layla's forehead.

As Layla walks out. She breathes in deep the air. Freedom. She has decided to let all pain out and dream the impossible. With someone she hold so dearly. There he is waiting in the car. She walks to the car and smiles to herself. She sits comfortably in the passenger seat. He smiled. Everytime he does it, she feels warm and everything else.

"So are you going to sit there quietly and watch me drive?" he asks while driving.
"Yeap" she answers.
"Usually you would have alot to say"
"Not tonight" she smiles slyly.
"Well, i find it weird when there is quietness between us"
"I know"
"OHHHHH-kayyyyy, i am going to shut up and drive"

After 20 minutes of total silence, they arrived at the hillside where it was quiet. The stars were clear and sparkling beautifully up in the heavens. He hugs at her waist and whispers, happy 21st birthday, dear. She gets out of his arms and put on a song on her phone. She places the phone on the ground. She returns to him and starts moving like in those movies, where the couple would slow dance to a song that meant something to them.

"Thank you for everything" she said
"Hey, you shouldn't be thanking me for anything."
"I know I am not perfect. I don't own the preetiest face. I am messy. I am so clumsy. Naive and stupid. I am always depressed. I cry all the time. I sulk. I complain. I panic. I never dress up well. I always wanted to be the girl of your dreams. Perfect and all. I know you like me as i am but i just want to be everything. It hurts when people don't try to accept me as who i am. I am tired of defending myself. Faking it all. Trying and trying and never going to be good enough. It's like everything i do is not good or the best. I am tired of striving and working hard and not getting any praise for the effort i put in. I hate it when people hurt me when all i did for them was fulfilling their wishes. Sometimes i wish i wasn't born."
"If you weren't born, we wouldn't have met and i wouldn't have met someone i cared so much about. I love you. There is a reson why you are here. You have me now."
"What if you go? I need you. You're the only one that had ever heard me. Don't go." as she buries her head into his shoulder.
"Have faith" he holds her head and stares into her eyes "Have faith and i'll stay as long as possible. I won't promise because having faith is stronger than a promise. I will always be here."
"Ok" she sobs.
"When you started talking, i was like thank goddddd my girl is not mute"
"Oh, come on!" she laughs "Must you make jokes like that in a situation where i am sad and sorrowful?"
"I'd rather see you smile and be yourself. The 'talkative' you."  He pulls her close and kisses her.

I turn 21 today. Life as i know it is changing. I blew my candles the other day and made a wish. I wished to witness a miracle. God's miracle. God has given plenty to appreciate life and i do. I am learning. Still trying. Still growing. Still immature. Whatever life throws at me, i'm going to stand strong and smile. Because in the end, sometimes somethings are woth waiting for. Have faith when all hope is lost. I believe and i have faith.

21 is just a number not a determinant of how a person should act according to age. It is your attitude towards life and your surrounding.

oh lord, it is a new year again *sighs*
oh lord, whattttttttt.. not another bad news *gulps*
oh lord, is that what i think it is?? *frowns*
oh lord, not again *pouts*
oh lord, why do rotten fruits exist? *throws hands up in the air*
oh lord, not another terrible incident *smacks head on the wall*
oh lord, MY PANTS TORE IN THE MIDDLE AND I DID NOT WEAR PANTIES!
oh lord........

As i awake from my slumber at around midday, i realised it was a new year. I didn't celebrate nor did I toast to a new year. I didn't even care what day or date it was. I just went with the flow and found myself laying in stinking memories past. Just another day. The days still go on. The dilemmas still move on with you. Things forgotten and purposely lost in the fire will soon eventually catch up. Continuously running away doesn't get you any where. Facing and solving whatever fear and notions will heal the pain (just for a moment) but not the scar. The scar stays and looking at it reminds us of the pain once again.