life's a roller coaster...

and one of my biggest phobia is the roller coaster.

Its a big ride that defies gravity at a certain point. It has ups and downs. When it is up, it is as if we are on top of the world and when it heads downward, there is this sick feeling dumped right in the guts. It speeds and finishes in a blink of an eye. Isn't life the same way too?

can't think straight

i had played on the field
i had debated all the way to kuching
i completed every assignment on time
i studied without any disturbance
and yet i still feel incomplete.

i am stronger but broken.

i miss the old not the new.

i wonder if i ever did cross your mind because my memory of the old keeps replaying....

drowning in silence and sadness

i find it amusing when someone calls and is able to juggle with your emotions.if its someone that loves and cares for you,you will enlightened by his/her voice.However,its the other way around when its someone 'unpleasant' calls...ngehehehe .but i am neutral *cough cough* sometimes.do you get the same symptoms as i do when the caller is your mum/bestfriend/boyfriend/or anyone that makes you happy?

1. will start screaming at the phone
2. won't stop laughing cause someone on the other side of your phone understands completely
3. the ability to share the same emotions even though we are so faraway
4. a big fat smile will be soon pasted on the face
5. everything seems much more happier cause you know someone out there loves you the way you are

tears for fears

i always hated how i look ever since i was a kid.

so till today,i think everyday "i know i am ugly and i will live with it.god gave me perfect body parts and i shall not forsake that"

ps:its not wrong for a human to break down once in a while.sometimes emotions are able to take over.

whats your ingrediant for a perfect day?

when i was in high school,my perfect day would be spending a hot afternoon with my dysfunctional family.there is sammy belly,self-proclaimed beauty syaz,turtle kz,pondan bergerak acap,silver-lala-dick shaveen and oh-so-sweet mars bars.oh oh and and and also deryckos rosales,sui khen and not to mention kah wai!!haha.but i was only with them in class during those afternoons.i wasn't able to spend much time because of unforseen circumstances.hakhakhak.

i still remember during those afternoons,the weather would be so unbearable and in front of us will be the woman of all the women teaching us ADDMATH!learning assmath,oops,i meant ADDMATH is hard when we are sweaty.soooo,we do our own entertainment.sing songs,be racist,spontaneous drama.

all that has change now.

my perfect day would be me being hardworking and not slacking.doing countless reports and not sleeping more than 5 hours a day also studying.

somehow,i don't regret not having any free time because i work better under all these WANTED stress.

so here is what i do when i am under stress:
a. KNOW that stress is a benefit
b. DO NOT COMPLAIN because complaining would not get you anywhere
c. KNOW that when we do not slack,it feels good looking at a completed work
d. THUS WE HAVE MORE FREE TIME.DOINK!!

her

this is a story of a girl meets girl.nooooo,this is not a friggin lesbian story.sheeeesh,you are so dirty-minded =)

see the picture.nooooo,it is not me.i am too short to even be compared to her.she is beautiful and long....no no no thats not the right word.....leggy!!!urgh!what does that mean...ngeh.i am just going to confuse myself.she is just PLAIN BEUATIFUL.

even if she does not realise it,she is drop dead gorgeous

she has her own opinions and thoughts

she is independent

she is sexy *but she never realises it

she has the body of an hourglass

she has the brains

she has the looks

she has her flaws but i love everything about her

because alia'a,your flaws make you human and i am glad to be the one to help you.

i'll be that shoulder you can cry on

i'll be that hand to pull you up

i'll move my mouth to motivate you

i'll open my ears to be your greatest listener

i'll open my eyes to stare at you when you feel bad about yourself

i'll make my legs run as fast as i can when you need me the most

so whats the fuss about what other people think.they are losers.they are just jealous of how beautiful you are and how smart you are.sometimes,i wish you would just open your laser-debate-mouth and tell them off.

own the moment cause you deserve it

ps:babe,i love you so.hahahaha =D

success.

i find it weird that when a real rofessional motivator talks,it never works on me.

but.....when a professor from a department gives a motivation talk,it works on me.

I AM A 10 ;)

what do you mean when you say 'i love you'

when i say i love you...it means

you are my joy

you fulfill me

you make me smile*

you bring me a certain happiness that i long

but sometimes certain events have the ability to alter our thoughts and opinions.

love is unpredictable.

at one moment,love is everything

another,love is just superficial

then,love is bullshit

in the end,we would just give up and say fuck with love*

however,i don't want to end up saying "love does not exist" In fact,it does. Remember our parents,friends and best of all...god's love for mankind.

i use to dream of romance beyond my own imagination.this is due to continuous exposure to endless disney films.its never too cheesy or even corny..its the kind of romance you expect.

its like when you kiss,there is fireworks

when you stare into each other's eyes,heartbeats get faster

when they say the perfect word,its like lights from heaven shine above us

sweet huh?

life is like a box of chocolates,huh?

i don't believe in true love or first love.i believe it when it comes and when i say "i love u"

i really mean it

i want you to trust me without me asking you directly

i don't doubt you at all

i just want to spend my life with you

now is that wrong?

i will wait if you are willing to wait.

if i ask you to trust me,will you?

sometimes a shooting star would just do when i feel troubled

and oh yes,

I AM NOT GOOD WITH WORDS.

DON'T EVER ASK ME TO BE ROMANTIC...

seriously =_="

true...and funny.

alas sometimes, abit of fantasizing won't hurt

*or you make me go crazy

*well not exactly everyone would say fuck it with love.its just us giving up on finding for love temporarily.keep in mind that it is always with us.we are humans and sometimes we are to blinded to be grateful for the things that are RIGHT in front of noses.

typewriter

currently in computer classs doing the basics.opening and closing the internet.saving files.typing in notepad and then save in the c drive.haha.it is so the basics of computer.surprisingly it ain't that boring.

i just discovered that g-mail allows video chat!!shit!!!wanna do this with my boyfie....YES!AREADY INVITED HIM!WUHU!

anyway,so the exercises are easy peasy abc...pie?i am so hungry.i need sweets like right now.i need my sugar rush.why isn't there a FRIGGIN SECRET RECIPE IN BEEN-TO-LOO?

oh and not to mention i got sorethroat and fever.....

ngeh..

maybe its just tension...

*gasp* I FEEL A LUMP IN MY THROAT AND IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

run away

i used to enroll for tuition just so that i could get away from home.

i needed space to laugh and smile all i could without feeling as if i had wasted time.

i am sorry but i am not that perfect person you usually see at home.

i'm loud and i don't really bother if someone judges me.

i hope now you can tolerate the real me.

cause i ain't backing down

camera crazy

What is a Diana f?

never knew what it was.so when my sister mentioned it......i thought it was some girl named Diana with a mysterious last name.

my sister was flabbergasted and asked how old i was.then,she explained to me that it's a camera with pretty cool functions.

my ears perked up and took interest.

so here i am now expressing how much i want the camera!i want it so bad!

the picture are so dreamy.like this one here...

so dreamy and this is because the camera has light leaks.sometimes a malfunction do make something so special.the Diana f was first manufactured during the early 1960's by the Great Wall Plastic Factory located in Hong Kong.This peculiar camera was just another toy back then.another thing to play with.no value and wasn't even significant to professional photographers.it actually disappeared for 10 years!!! *gasp*


Fortunately,its back now and making a big splash everywhere.


i shall wait for the day when it becomes mine.

*click click*


ps : even a 14 year old knew its existence before me.ngeks.

trendsetter

blazers are the new cardigans =)

i bought a blazer and never thought of a way to wear it.all i knew from the bottom of my heart was that i wanted to be different.something that defines me,classy and rugged.

sigh.

i had no idea how to wear it OR even how to get away with it by looking absolutely stunning. 

so,off i went to find help.

in technology,i shall trust you with all my heart. 

browsed through every fashion site.

and.....

I FOUND IT!

BOO-YAH!*

here are pictures to inspire me and to those who would like to ROCK the blazer look.

SIMPLE,ISN'T IT?
The pictures describe how easy it is to pull it off.
You can look sweet,demure,casual and everything else with a blazer.

for more information,visit collegefashion.com

*i missed the naked mole rat from kim possible.cartoon these days are just bullshit.

i am difficult to handle.

i love bright popping colours but my closet is full of black and white apparels.

Hot Mess XD

i am a PERFECTIONIST,thus explains my need to ARRANGE everything in place.

i am as random

as a google search bar 

stephen hawking is not a good idea for a background

i woke up today and enjoyed the morning rays.prayed today would be a brighter and happier day.full of renewed hopes and dreams.....*phone buzzed* who the hell could be disturbing me at 8 in the morning!my boyfriend sleeps like there is no tomorrow...couldn't be him.

ah ah!its the island girl...told me to check something out.its a surprise.

.....ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

its EQUATIONS ENDLESSLY IN THE BACKGROUND!

there goes my beautiful morning.

called the island girl and she says she was inspired by STEPHEN DAMN HAWKING!girlllllll,i would make u sit in a wheel chair like ur dear inspiration!

*breathe in,breathe out* thank god,the island girl change it to u jelly beans.

ps. i love astronomy and its great teachers but as backgrounds...HELL TO THE NO!

sibling rivalry

do u have siblings?do u argue with them frequently and make up with them instantly?well i do.see the girl in the picture.yeap!thats my sister!the one and only that i have.she means the world to me.yes we do fight but that does not mean we can't be the best of friends.

eventhough she calls me a bitch in public,i would smile and laugh or just ignore.

"hey bitch,which detergent do you want?"

"hey bitch,i like your phone!"

"hey bitch,what are you wearing?"

"hey bitch,answer me quickly!"

yes,that is how we communicate.

in the end,i just want to protect her from anything sinister but i think she would be fine without me.she got a bigger and larger cynical mouth and she is a sadistic.hehe.not all the time.just sometimes when she needs to.

all i want her to know is that i am always here for her through good and bad times.

whaddya know!

as i walked through the airport,i saw familiar faces.shit!i had to run.

well most of you would run and hug those familiar faces but i don't.yes i am abit mental.

here is why i don't like talking or even try connecting with them....

"oh ash,u got a guitar!" and she walks by.is that how u greet a person in an airport? Well thats what you get when miss popular tries to be friendly,she fails misreably.

i'd like a 'how are ya?' or even a 'heyyy'.what are you too modern to be old fashioned?

its hard to talk to some people cause they are in their own bubble.not to mention,i tend to talk alot and i require the other person to respond.hey,its alot of effort to talk about something.but its such a drag when i keep talking and all i get is a blur smile or a 'ahhhhhhh'.

that just ticks me off....and all i want to do is smash my head into the wall.i feel like a dungu talking to people that show no response or think that they are alone in this world.

babe,u need a reality check.pronto.

Finding Sharada

Recently i decided that i had enough of my previous blog,contemplatingcreations.blogspot.i deleted it and opened this one.this blog will be more full of thoughts,dirty little secrets,photos,poems and anything i can think of.i need a blank canvas to write and draw my emotions.something i can share with the world.i am still human.letting go is never easy to deal with but i am moving on.